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Former iCarly star Jennette McCurdy, who last month launched a one-woman show titled I’m Glad My Mom Died, has opened up about the abuse she says she experienced starting as a child.

In a new People feature, McCurdy—who declined to reprise her role as Sam on the recent iCarly revival—looked back on her earliest memories of childhood as being comprised of “heaviness and chaos.” According to McCurdy, who’s now 29, her late mother Debbie first began bleaching her hair and whitening her teeth when she was 10. One year later, McCurdy’s mother introduced her to the practice of calorie counting, which later ballooned into anorexia by the time she was cast on iCarly

Until the age of 17, McCurdy said, her mother “insisted on” vaginal and breast exams. Additionally, she never allowed McCurdy to take a shower on her own. As for the eating restrictions, McCurdy was living on just 1,000 calories per day at one point.